Its my hearts desire to be home - taking care of the needs of my family. I struggle with getting in the car and going to a job, and finding ways to be thankful for it!! My heart seems to lag behind me, resting in the comfort and familiarity of home. For some reason, that is not where God would have me just now.
Two weeks ago I suffered a severe sprain to my back and I've been down on the couch since. My wish to be home was granted! Right . . . . . a typical sequence of events in our house:
End of October, Jim goes to play racquetball and decides to play 5 back to back games, comes home and his knee starts to bother him. He can't put much weight on the knee, and he feels bone to bone. Finally meets with the ortho, thinking there's a meniscus tear, they wait for approval for an mri. Still waiting . . . . . . still waiting . . . . . . .
Jim and I decide we need a different couch. Why? Well, we just do that from time to time. This time because we have moved to a smaller house and need the sleeping space, so we decide that we needed to swap out the leather sectional for a hideabed. Being the Craigslist junkie I am, I listed the couch right away . . . and it sold. That was a Friday.
Sunday, I go to get into Jim's vehicle. I plant my butt on the seat, and begin to spin my legs around to get in. I failed to check to make sure my head was in, and upon my spin - hit my head on the roof of the truck and send my head, neck and shoulders spinning in the opposite direction - kinda like wringing myself out like a washcloth!! Diagnosis is: severe sprain to the right intercostals, and severe strain to the left side of my back.
And so, I am at home. My hearts desire. Flat on my back. Looking at all the dust, and spots that need to be touched up from the fast and furious paint job this summer. Walking on the floors with two weeks of dust and debris, and left over evidence of two littles we had a slumber party with. Then there's the garage. Oh yes, the garage. I have a panic attack laying here thinking about the garage. When we moved it was hotter than Hades, and we unloaded only what we needed, deciding to leave the rest til the weather breaks. In the meantime we have "needed" things still boxed in the garage and so have created meyhem in there. Its a scary place, and laying here thinking about it elevates it to a living nightmare that I can't get out of my head, because its only 30 feet away. AND I can't do anything about it!!!
So you say, how does this all fit together? It doesn't - thats the problem. I can't sit up because of the pressure it puts on my back. We have no couch. Laying in bed is fine, but after so many hours it causes pain too. So, we pulled out our furniture hidden in other rooms and made ourselves a little living room. I have the love seat. Jim switches between the glider rocker and the slipper chair with no arms. When he needs to ice his knee he moves the glider footstool to the side of the chair and lays sideways. The poor dog - yes, the poor dog. She climbs upon Jim's shoulder and hangs her head over the top of the chair. There's no where for her to go - poor baby . . .
Yesterday I had cabin fever so bad I just wanted to get out. I thought maybe going to a small store and leaning over a cart would be ok - so off we went. Can I just say - bad idea. Jim's knee was killing him and he was limping thru the store, my back was on fire and I have myself thrown over the cart to relieve pressure, and there we were. A total sight for sore eyes. We remind ourselves that we do live within blocks of Sun City AZ - the retirement capital of the country -and we are almost there. Sidenote - SunCity allows golf carts on the streets. So are they carts, or cars? Who knows, doesn't really matter!!
And yet, God in His faithfulness shows up.
In my humanness the beginning of October I was furious with Jim's boss. He got ticked off at the insurance company and decided he was going to change it come the first of November. Who does that? We got the initial paperwork that said there was a $1500 deductible, which would need to be met for Jim to have his knee looked at, and then another $1500 deductible the first of January. I was having a fit! Two days before the insurance took effect, Jim tells me that the owner covered the gap insurance - meaning no deductible at all - and he could insure me for 1/2 of what I'm paying at my employer, so he did. This new insurance is great and his knee is covered. Better yet? I had reached my maximum visits at the chiro, had this new insurance not have come along, my back would not have been covered.
With both of us being laid up, what Jim can't do I'm able to, and what I can't do, he can. Our needs are met. One of our biggest fears was being alone without our kids in these sorts of circumstances. The week before my back issue, our last son near us moves away. We are alone. Just us two. Alone. Yet, God has filled our lives with the love of others that have stepped in and helped us as we need.
I still love being home. Even laid up, I love being home. I love finding ways to occupy my time to be productive. I love being here when Jim gets home from work. I love being able to sit still in the morning reflecting on God's goodness sipping the most wonderful coffee in the world. But for now, this too shall pass, and back to the grind I will go. I will be grateful for the reprieve even tho laid up, and grateful for the rest, but mostly grateful knowing that God does have a plan.
What have I learned?
God always shows up!! He in His sovereignty knew our needs even when I saw it as a horrible thing. Even as we are down and out physically, our needs have been met. Even when our biggest fear becomes reality, our needs have been met and our fears relieved.
Twas grace that set my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved. I once was lost but now am found, was blind . . . but now I see.
Simply Amazing Grace!
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