I have a zit. What is that about? I haven't had zits since I was having my kids a long time ago! Its there tho, big as life, and I can't keep my hands off it. Its driving me nuts, so I begin to question why its there.
Could it be from the new makeup I'm wearing? That could be. I was used to bare minerals and have switched to old lady makeup because the ad said it got rid of that "washed out" look.
Could it be from the weather? That could be. Its been really cold here and we've been using the fireplace and running the furnace. Didn't really know that weather could cause a zit, but it is possible.
Could it be menopausal? Possibly. Covers on, covers off. Laughing now, crying in a second. Possible.
Could it be from the stress I'm under? Very probable. Between me on my back, and Jim's bum knee, and fighting with disability, and having to rely on others for your basic needs - probable. Oh and I forgot to mention the holidays - you know - when you shop and decorate and bake? Yeah, that too.
Or . . . . . could it be from my diet? What diet - I'm not on any diet? Well, you know - the one where you eat things that are quick and comforting as you lay around. Kinda like the lunch I'm just now enjoying (which precipitated this post) the homemade turkey pot pie (which is delish by the way), chips and dip, a sliver of apple pie (had to finish it off or it would go to waste), oh and for dessert a hersheys with almonds. Now before you go and say anything, the apple pie was part of the fruit pyramid, and not being wasteful. I'm enjoying a healthy cup of coffee (which helps prevent cancer) and a diet coke (helps break down the calories of said pie and candy bar).
I think we know the culprit. They say you are what you eat, and that is just down right scary. As I'm typing this, and eating the hershey bar (very good and fresh by the way), I take note of myself. I am quite confident that if a burglar came to our house, and took a look at me, he would turn and run and say NOPE not goin in there!!!
I had a very bad back day yesterday and didn't sleep well. I got up this morning, grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down - right out of bed. I didn't move until I was hungry enough to get up to fix lunch. My hair hasn't been combed, I have on a brown camisole, a blue fleece long sleeved shirt, black sweats, brown socks, and purple slippers - and a big fat zit on my chin. I'm sitting on the recliner side of the couch, leaned way back because I can't sit up, with the chips and dip on one side, blanket partway over my lap, pillow stuffed under my back to support it, dish towel on arm of couch because eating reclined . . . well you get it . . . and on the other side is my plethora of drinks, a notepad and pen, and my bible. RUN BURGLAR RUN!!!
Truly, I am a site for sore eyes. Its a scary thing - but it is what it is! When I think about it I ask myself - are you depressed? Sad? Unhappy? Cuz your lookin like it. But as I reflect I can say back to self - nope - none of the above. I hurt, I'm hungry, and I'm very very blessed.
Today I learned a close friend's husband has cancer. Little James is struggling with a cold and it is so hard for him to protect his airway anyway. My mom, in her 70's, has had to return to work behind the chair due to the economy, and she hurts and is in pain. So many are suffering, I'm not. God has been gracious to me, and provided my needs and my comfort - I do not suffer. I think one of the greatest lessons I've learned being down so long, is the difference between pain - and suffering, going without - and suffering, being away - and suffering a loss. I don't suffer. I may not like nor relish the thought of nor want pain - going without - or being away, but its not suffering.
I am fortunate. I am fortunate because I can look at this big fat zit and find it a problem, and be bothered by it. I am fortunate because I will recover from my back. I am fortunate because I go without very little. I am fortunate because while my loved ones are away I can get to them, and them me. I am fortunate because today, I can sit here in my slobbiness and write about how good my God is.
What I have learned:
I have learned that I know nothing about suffering.
I have learned that I need to be more keenly aware of how good life really is.
I have learned that while my zit is a simple problem to many, but a big issue to me, it still matters! Oh in the big scheme of things its stupid, but it still matters. It matters enough that I have taken time to reflect on areas of my life that otherwise I may not have. I've been able to put into perspective the difference between suffering and uncomfortableness. I have learned that until I get to the place that I can be uncomfortable without complaining, I will never ever be able to rejoice in suffering, should I be called to that some day.
I have learned that until I spend more time getting to know my God, and how he supplies all my needs, and meets me where I am, I will never move from this place of pettiness called a zit. I know all of this, and I've had the great privilege of experiencing it, but do I really KNOW it?
I want to know Him more, I want to hear His voice, I want to know that should I ever be put in a place of suffering, I can rejoice knowing that HE is the great comforter and I can trust that. How I go about that is up to me, IF I go about that is also up to me. Pray for me.
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