She can NOT stand me! I don't know why. I don't even know what I ever did to her. She wants me outta there, and makes no bones about it. She . . . . Is Virginia. Attila the Hun. Delwood's finest School Secretary.
She is in her 70's, and clearly runs the school. She is very small in stature, hunched over, with her "shift" dresses from the 60's and 70's, and orthopedic shoes. Her hair is more than likely in the same style she wore it in the 50's and possibly the same eye glasses. She has false teeth that she tends to click and clack and move a bit in her mouth - making some irritating noises if you stand too close.
Her office was outside of the Superintendent/Principals office. Everyone had to go thru her to get to him. She was the nurse, the screener of calls, the secretary, and the just and justifier of who does and doesn't get requested supplies that she has so neatly packed away in the forbidden closet. It was rumored the school was erected around her - as she has worked there at least 40 years, only being out sick for open heart surgery. This place was her life. Literally. She didn't drive, rather lived down the street and walked to and from each day. On bad weather days, Larry the maintenance man insisted she let him drive her home. Sometimes she would. Sometimes she wouldn't.
She had favorites; both teachers and students alike. If you were a favorite you could get by with murder. If you were not - WATCH OUT!!! I happened to fall into that second catergory. In 1988, one of my boys had an "incident" with his teacher. She made the decision to not allow him to attend a class party (4th grade) because he didn't finish his work. Mama bear didn't approve, so I let him stay home and we played all day. The teacher found out and told the class she was going to make an example of him. I got word of it and marched myself and my son to the principal the next day - then went and sat in the classroom with him until lunch. The principal took action. This teacher happened to be a good friend of Virginia, and there ya go. The following year, next son would be in that teachers room and I opted to take him to a different school. Strike 2. Later that year . . . . . Strike 3. I'm out.
Later that year . . . I was hired at this same school. My job was half days working with the learning disabled kiddos, and the other half administration (computer type) for the superintendent. This was a brand new position which was necessary to create as Virginia had no computer skills and was refusing to learn any. The superintendent was a forward thinking, technology driven guy. Needless to say they didn't see eye to eye. She then became convinced I was after her job. She was convinced he hired me to phase her out, and she was not exactly excited about that. No, she was ticked. Mean. Nasty. Evil. To me.
Being a young woman I was totally fearful of Virginia. She scared the daylights out of me. I was afraid of anything I did, or anything I said. And she wasn't afraid to let me know when I crossed the line. I worked at this school for about 5-6 months before I made a decision to do something different. I decided she only had the power over me that I let her have. I had to find a way to be respectful of her, but change up how she was to me. What. To. Do. . . . .
I learned as a young girl that it is as difficult to frown as it is to smile. It takes as much work both phyiscially, mentally and emotionally. So, I that day - made a decision that regardless of how she was towards me - I wasn't gonna frown anymore and I wasn't going to let her know if she got the best of me. I made a decision that somehow each day, no matter what, I was going to make HER smile - whether she liked it or not.
I began my new challenge. I found anything I could think of - stupid, silly, whatever I could think of to put her in a position that she couldn't help but smile. Even if while smiling she was mad at me, and the madness growing because she wanted to so bad be mad!! Often times she would walk away shaking her head, almost leaning it to one side, so I couldn't see the smile emerging on her lips.
The second year I was at the school, Virginia got very ill. She tried coming in to work but was so sick that she couldn't do it. I think it made her as mad as she was sick, that she couldn't stay on the job - she had to take sick days. She had pleuracy, along with pneumonia, and was in so much pain and so sick she didn't have a choice. Being the schedule I had, and the work I had been doing, I took over in her absence. I had to sit in her office, answering her phone, touching her typewriter, and of all things . . . monitor . . . . the suppppppplllllyyyyyyyy closet. Ugh too much for any person to be responsible for! After being out a week she returned. Within an hour of walking in the door she hunted me down. Can you believe I forgot to unplug her typewriter? I know. Irresponsible! She gave me the what for and the how come, and I made some remark to her that gave that head tilt and storm out of the room before anyone saw her smiling. She had to leave early that day; she was still too sick to be there. She was too weak to walk home and freely accepted the ride when offered to her.
Virginia was out another whole week. I had my mind made up - there would be NOTHING she would find out of place or ANYTHING to complain about. I went thru the entire office, made sure that the suppppppplllllllyyyyyyy closet didn't expose my generosity with the teaching staff upon her absence, typewriter was unplugged and covered as ordered, everything EVERYTHING was in check.
Monday morning comes, I'm in the lounge preparing the newsletter, when Virginia comes marching in. "WHERE is Mr R's staple remover. You need to find it and get it back to him immediately," she says as she marches back out of the room.
I couldn't believe it. What to do with this? I took a moment to think and then as she stomped out I said, "Well Virginia . . . I don't know if I was low in aluminum in my diet, or if I needed floss - and with a staple remover (using hand gestures) you can do 4 teeth at once." SHE WAS IN SHOCK!!!! She stood there for a minute, shook her head, and then as the smile started to appear on her face - quickly walked out of the room.
This was our relationship. Many days I went home defeated and heavy hearted. What in the world did I do to this woman for her to dislike me so much? After much talk with the superintendent and my good friend Billye that worked with us, we concluded that she felt threatened. She was concerned that I was going to take over her position and she would be without her lifebreath - the school. She was worried she would be forced into retirement, and then what? How difficult for her; to choose to be unwilling to do the things that were required, but then be challenged/threatened by someone put in position to do the very things you refused to do. I couldn't make sense of it, and tried to be sensitive to her, but I failed often.
Over the course of the years, there were days she was just mean, and days that she was pleasant. I didn't really pay much attention because all I was focused on was making her smile at least once a day. She was given a new office, set up according to her liking, just for her. It allowed her to not have to do the steps and to be able to see people as they came into the school. I took her old office and it remained the same. She seemed ok with it, and found a comfort in her new room. She was adapting to change bit by bit.
One particular morning as I arrived at school, my heart was heavy. Lots going on in our world and the weight of it all must have been evident as I got out of my car and began the walk to the building. When I arrived at the door, Virginia met me there. She took me in her arms and said you looked like you could use a great big hug this morning. Unbelievable.
From that moment on our relationship was changed. I can't tell you what the magic was that did it - it just happened. She didn't seem threatened by me any more. She didn't seem to want to kill me any more. Life was different at that school, and we became friends. We met for lunch a time or two; she asked about the boys and about our life, as if we had been buddies all along.
I wish I knew the magic that took place. While this seems like someone that one may consider to have been a more negative impact, but on the contrary. I believe even in the innocence and naivity, and the sheer bullheadedness of my youth, I did the right thing. I took the time to invest in and do something to make someone else smile - even if it was sarcastic. And it worked. I learned from this that people may present a hard shell, but usually the shell is really very thin. And what lies beneath is a very tender, most times damaged heart.
This experience I had with Virginia could have turned out many different ways. I believe because it turned out the way it did it set me up for a desire to look past others "shells" and find ways to let that same unexplainable magic bring life to a new relationship. I believe today that I have had the good pleasure of many such relationships all because of that hug in the hallway. That day - SHE ministered to me. It was a day I'll never forget.
Virginia B 1922-2009
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